Goodbye Friends

People say goodbye to friends for different reasons; they are too busy to pencil them in, they don’t believe in the decisions they are making, they’ve grown apart, or they’re moving away.

We said goodbye to some friends lastnight who are moving to California. It was bittersweet. When Dolan was born, three of my closest friends had babies and this is one of them.

I don’t like saying goodbye so we said see you later. It’s always hard to let friends go, especially ones that are going through the same things that you are.

I am not angry, and I can’t be, we moved away with the intention of not moving back, so we’ve been there. There’s a point in life where you need a change of pace, a change of direction, or change in environment. You should do everything that you want to do in life, because you only get one chance at it.

I don’t believe in making the wrong decisions. I believe in taking chances and sometimes risks to ensure that everyone is happy and are living their lives to the fullest.

I would hate to be 10 years down the road from now and wonder, what if? I would rather chance it now and find out the outcome rather than wasting time pondering about it.

Good friends are hard to come by so
say goodbye to them if you have to, just make sure you are doing what’s best for you and your loved ones. If you love them let them go and if they come back their yours!

Xoxo
AV

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Love for a Child

Lastnight was hilariously crazy. Let me first tell you that Dolan is perfectly fine before you read.

Woke up from a deep sleep lastnight ( I still remember my dream) to Dolan choking. Without hesitation I jumped out of bed with David right behind me. I ran out to the hall way and collapsed. I got right back up and ran to his crib and there he was just fine, smiling with his hand in his mouth happy as ever to see us.

My feet weren’t working and realized it once I got to the hall. It was incredibly funny afterwards. After I saw that Dolan was okay, I had to sit down because I could see darkness closing in around me. I was going to black out. The balls of my feet still hurt.

The choking was so loud on the monitor. It was scary. I think maybe he gagged himself with his finger. He has been shoving his hands all the way in his mouth lately.

It’s just amazing how your parenting instincts kick in at any given moment, no matter what you’re doing. I love Dolan so much and finally understand how much a parent loves their children.

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Addendum

Yesterday I had someone reach out to me for relationship advice after reading the last blog, her husband never wants to talk things out. It’s very difficult when both people don’t follow the same arguing rules or guidelines.

It’s easy for me to say do this and this and this for good results but if both you and your partner don’t agree it’s even more difficult to compromise when in a dis agreeance.

Someone once told me that they didn’t think a marriage was work. Well, I really disagree. It should be easy most of the time yes, but like I’ve said before, you are two different people with different needs, wants and expectations. It’s important to know what your partners’ expectations of you are and vica versa. And it’s very important to discuss needs and wants. There are things that I told my husband that I needed from him before we got married, and still remind him of all the time. It’s important to discuss needs and wants before you get married, that way there are no suprises. It’s important to discuss child rearing before you get married, it’s important to discuss religion before you get married. Discuss the important things and forget the small things. If your husband never takes out the trash but is so sweet and kind to you and does other chores, how important is it that he doesn’t take out the trash?

It’s about give and take and if two people can’t do that together, you are both in for a roller coaster ride.

Communication is the key to any good relationship and I’ve learned that over the years. I used to be the hard headed one not wanting to talk things out, I just wanted to ignore it and move on. That’s not the best way to go about things.

If you think that your relationship never requires work maybe you are the one taking too much from it? It’s hard to get people to see when they are. It’s important to have a 50/50 relationship (like I’ve said before) and if you have a difficult spouse try getting them to understand.

If they can’t or don’t understand and just want to fight and argue, I would suggest couples therapy.

It’s never too late to work things out to save your marriage or relationship.

Also, if you are in a new relationship, it’s probably normal to argue a lot at the 5/6 month mark. That’s when you really find out if you will make it or break it.

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Xoxo
AV

Arguing

Every couple fights differently, I grew up thinking the perfect relationship would be fight free. But, the truth is that’s it’s normal to fight sometimes. You are two different people, with different views and opinions, if you got a long all the time, it wouldn’t be normal and someone is giving to much and the other taking too much.

I’ve had couples tell me that they have a argue every six months and the rest is smooth sailing, I know couples that bicker all the time and it must work for them because they are still together.

It’s all about compromise and what you’re willing to give but it has to be 50/50. One person can’t be giving and the other is only taking, and it’s difficult to find that person that is willing to give/take with you forever! Not everyone is compatable, but you can make it work if you love eachother. David and I are both libras, which has odds against us. Libras are stubborn, indecisive and have trouble expressing their feelings. We are both libras and it does make it difficult sometimes but it always works out and we do really well.

Things to remember while arguing

1. Someone has to apologize at some point. Don’t let it spiral out of control. You want to get your point across but do it delicately and hope that your partner does the same.

2. If you’re married don’t ever say you want a divorce. Period. There’s nothing more to say than that. Obviously you say things when you’re angry that you don’t mean and will regret but don’t let this be one of them. You took a vow. Period.

3. If you aren’t married don’t say.”let’s end it” unless you mean it. It has almost the same effect and discredits the relationship.

4. Don’t yell but especially don’t scream. It accomplishes nothing. Try to get your point across calmly and if it doesn’t work, take a deep breath and take a break from the conversation for a while. It’s important for the other person to know how you feel, but not if you have to scream.

5. Walk away but don’t walk out. If you’re too angry to talk reasonably then go in another room, don’t run from the issue. David and I haven’t spent a night apart since we moved in together 5 years ago. We’ve always talked about whatever is at hand without it spiraling out of control.

6. Don’t name call. Just don’t do it. It will ring in the other person’s head afterwards even though you don’t mean it. Try big meany instead and you both can laugh it off. Also while we are at it, telling the other they are just like their parent isn’t the best thing either.

7. Don’t blame eachother. Express how you feel and hopefully both people will own up.

8. Say that you will work on it, and mean it. I ask David all the time what I can do to be a better wife. He always says nothing but it shows him that I care and that I always want to be the best wife that I can be.

9. Admit when you’re wrong! This is a huge one. Sometimes it’s hard to see when you’re wrong, you just have to try and see what’s right and hear your other person out and understand where they are coming from.

10. Forgive and Forget, once the issue at hand is resolved, get over it! Don’t think about it, don’t dwell on it, just leave forgotten in the past where it belongs. This is the most important one! No matter how you and your other half resolve issues, the most important thing is to let them go. If you don’t, you won’t make it very far in your relationship.

Xo
AV

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V~Day ❤️

Two posts in one day, I’ve been debating about writing about this one but from the things I’ve seen lately I feel like I should.

I’ve been seeing ads and commercials for women’s expectations of Valentine’s Day and I feel like it’s a little ridiculous. Like this is what your house should look like, flowers everywhere, he went to Jared and pink boxes everywhere. I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day because I really think you should show someone that you love them all the time and not just one day out of the year. I also get that it’s an extra special day to show someone that you care, but you should show your person all the time.

I feel like Valentine’s Day should be used for marriage proposals or special announcements like you’re pregnant or trying to have a baby. When did it become a day to spend all of your money on materialistic things that you will probably forget about next year?

My husband has never been a gift giver nor a hint taker. I could circle a huge picture in an ad with a red marker and stick it to his wallet and he would say, “oh you wanted that?” L O L But I’m okay with that. Why is Valentine’s Day geared for women anyway? When’s the last time you got something for your man? We get each other gifts all the time and don’t really need a holiday to do it. I used to get my hopes up and hope that he had a suprise for me or a nice necklace or something, “oh it’s valentines day? Said the look in his eyes when I would hand him his gift lol. So I know better now, but as long as he treats me with kindness and respect I really don’t care. Also, when you share money it’s almost like you bought it for yourself. Lol

Once you get into your twenties (hard to believe I’ve been here for 4 years 😣) you really start to figure yourself out and find out what you like and don’t like. And I’ve found that I really don’t like jewelry all that much. I hate having things on my wrists and forget that I even own necklaces most of the time. I have six ear piercings and forgot until just recently. Also, I hate getting flowers because they just die and I feel like it’s a waste of money. Dave’s only gotten me flowers once and I’m pretty sure it’s because I made him feel guilty about never have doing it. Haha

So think about your relationship and don’t expect anything from him and if you do get something make sure you wear it or embrace it and show him that you love it even if you don’t. And guys, if you don’t want to get anything, don’t. If you don’t though and she doesn’t complain, she’s a keeper!!

But make sure that you keep your relationship fresh regardless. David and I could be in the middle of arguing and we just bust out laughing or play wrestle and we’re over it.

Maybe do something with a nice gesture, buy me a beer. Haha JK. A homemade favor book? Or a homemade dirty card? Those are funny. Whatever you do, make it count. It’s about feeling good emotionally, not what he got you or what you got him. Let’s not forget what it’s really all about.

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Yolo

Cliche title I know, but it was either that or The End is Near and I wouldn’t want to go all pessimistic on you this early in the game.

Lastnight I was laying awake thinking. (The boys always fall asleep before me, it takes them seconds literally. On one side I have the monitor, I can hear Dolan breathing and sometimes snoring. On the other side I have David, always snoring. I seriously don’t know how they fall asleep so easily. I wish I was like that. )

But I was thinking, if I died tomorrow, would I be happy with how I lived my life? Have I righted all of my wrongs? I know that the probability of that happening is slim but you just never know when your last day or even minute is. It is sad to think about.

I have a hard time accepting death. All of sudden life as you know it is over. It freaks me out to think about it.

Therefore, I want to make sure that I, as well as everyone that I know, lives their lives to the fullest. Another cliche, I know. But seriously, a lot of the decisions David and I have made are based on that alone. You only live once, so why not do it? Why not try something new? Travel! See the sights. Spend time with the people you care about. Tell whom you love that you love them every chance you get. Kiss the people you love everytime you see them.

Especially when you have a child you think about these things more. Who would we want to raise our child(ren) if (god please forbid) something ever happened to us? Do we have anything to leave our son to remember us by? Do we have any money to pass onto him for college or for the future?

Don’t waste precious life moments by being angry, bitter or narcissistic. Live every moment like it’s your last. Do everything that you want to do, say everything that you want to say, and hope and pray that God always gives you another day if you haven’t.

Seize the day, the moment, the life that you live, and make sure you’ve done and said everything that you wanted to. Make it count, don’t wait until it’s too late.

Deuces ✌️
AV

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